Tag Archives: Faith

Deep in the Muck

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A "cleaner" wheeler ride! Can you believe I got back on with him?

A “cleaner” wheeler ride! Can you believe I got back on with him?

Have you ever had an up close and personal relationship with manure?  You know…sticky, smelly, squishy…comes from the wrong end of everything? You read it right, manure! Well, my encounter with manure is one I’ll never forget!

As a new teacher from the city, in a small, rural town, twelve hours away from all my family and friends, I was welcomed into the home of a fellow teacher for supper each weekend.  (She later became my mother-in-law but that’s a story for another time). Anyway, I loved going there because it was on a farm and there were so many new things to see and do. Of course I never considered a rendezvous with manure being one of them.

After supper one cold, blustery night, Joe, the youngest in the family had to go check on the cows.  As he donned his coveralls he looked back over his shoulder and jokingly asked if I’d like to join him.  Much to his surprise (and mine too) I said yes.  So began my transformation.  Coveralls, gloves, a disreputable hat, and knee-high black rubber boots.  I was quite thrilled with my get-up and felt ready for the cover of The Farmer’s Almanac!  Out the door we went.  With an uncoordinated swing of my leg I plopped on the back of the three wheeler behind Joe and we took off around the fields checking for any new calves. The icy air slapped my cheeks  and the bars I was sitting on slapped my other….well, you get the idea. Approaching the barn, I thought our job was coming to an end but we paused right outside a large opening.  What I saw in front of me sent a shiver down my spine. There in our path was a huge pile of snow.  Joe looked back at me and seeing the terror in my eyes he smiled, revved the engine, and took off determined to give me the ride of my life!  I had a sinking feeling.

sinking became more than a feeling! As it turned out, it was not the snow pile we’d anticipated.  Instead it was an enormous mountain of manure disguised by a layer of clean, white snow. Momentum propelled us upward but just as the wheeler reached the top, the engine died and we sank. Despite several valiant attempts, Joe was unable to get us free so he told me I’d have to drive and he’d get off and push us out.  This is where city girl made her mistake .  Having never driven a three-wheeler or anything close to it, I was scared and so I firmly refused. With more confidence than I actually felt, I told Joe that I’d get off and push!

To his credit, Joe did ask me if I was sure before he agreed.  Attempting to appear undaunted I stepped right down into the waiting muck. My feet began to disappear deep into the mire until manure was dripping down inside my knee-high boots; gunk soaking through my socks.  Gripping the back bar of the wheeler I listened as Joe counted……Are you picturing  where this is going?

One, two three!…….He gunned the motor. With a gallant effort, I pushed. The tires spun. And yes, in a split second I had cow manure everywhere manure could possibly go.  In my hair, dripping from my eyelashes, my nose, in my ears, covering my clothes. I was manure from. top. to. bottom.  As I stood stuck, with globs of poo plopping from the brim of my hat and sliding down my face, I learned that being deep in the muck is NOT where I wanted to be!

Since then I’ve come to realize that life can sometimes feel like being stuck deep in the muck. Stress at work, bills to pay, health issues, troubled marriage, worrying about children, plans that don’t work out….the list is long. None of us want to be lodged in the depths of these situations but when we find ourselves unexpectedly sinking, what a comfort it is to know we are not alone.

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him.” Psalm 40:2-3 (NIV)

I certainly don’t have all the answers and I flounder when I find myself not where I want to be. I  may not always see a solution right away or recognize God leading me to solid ground as I struggle in the slime, maybe you can relate,  but this I do know… His word assures us we can look to Him for help and He’ll not leave us on our own.

The end of my “farm-hand initiation” that winter night? It came when Joe suddenly (not quite quickly enough for me, mind you) remembered a switch on the three-wheeler that when flipped, enabled the tires to lift up out of the murky hole they’d been trapped in. I’ll never forget his sheepish grin as he reached out his hand and helped me, manure smell, and all, back onto the wheeler.

This was the first of many adventures I had on the farm but the lesson I learned in the manure  is my favorite.  When I find myself unable to move forward or release what is behind me. When I’m sinking and stuck deep in the muck I’m reminded that just as the tires were lifted up so many years ago, we have a God that we can trust to lift US up. That smells like victory to me!

Hanging in Limbo

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“Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.” Hebrews 10:23

 

Have you ever found yourself hanging in limbo between “all that I am and all that I’m not”?  That’s where I find myself now, dangling, like Paul when he wrote in Romans 7:15  “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do what I hate.”

Starting my day in devotion with God, following through on the things He’s calling me to do, trusting His plan and not my own……all things I believe I’m to pursue, and some days I get it right. But then I swing off track and checking Facebook, lingering too long, worry, and so much more have me suspended in a place I don’t want to be.

I’ve been watching a hornets’ nest high in a tree outside my kitchen window. It sways like a pendent in the wind back and forth, back and forth…..just. like. me. Over time, all that mid-air action has caused rips and dents to form but the nest continues to holds fast. How can that be? Is there a lesson for me, perhaps? Maybe you can relate too. For as much as I don’t “understand myself” and waiver between what is right and what I hate, I’ve found this WE have to hold on to:

“This is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to Him and never stop trusting him.  This High priest of ours understands our weaknesses for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet He did not sin.  So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.”

Hebrews 5:14-16

Yes, hanging in limbo is a frustrating place to be. I know better.  I want better.  What a blessing it is that despite the bumps and bruises, the back and forth, the do and don’t do, a hornets’ nest reminds us that we are anchored in the grasp of God, who knows just where we are and where we’re going.  We can boldly leave limbo behind and embrace with certainty, that with His help, mercy and grace we’ll reach our destination.

I’m really enjoying writing posts as part of Suzanne Eller’s #livefreeThursday.  This week’s prompt as you might have guessed is “limbo”.  If you’d like to read more thoughts on being in limbo click here http://www.tsuzanneeller.com

 

Wanted

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Wanted…a guilt-free woman!  I know she’s hiding out in there somewhere, but I just can’t seem to gain control and keep her in custody. I’ve had glimpses of her but she’s elusive!

“I can’t believe I said that!”

“Why didn’t I say something?”

“I don’t really want to do that but I’ll feel bad if I don’t.”

“I wish I wouldn’t have done that.”

“I should have worked harder.”

“I let him down.”

“I’ll never change!”

These words and many more like them roll around in my mind like tumbleweeds in a wind storm.  Guilt and worry about things I did or didn’t do. Things I said, didn’t say, or could’ve said. Words and feelings of shame for the times I’ve let my family, friends, and worst of all, God down. Maybe you’re a little like me.  You have a hard time letting go of regret and remorse.  Our failures replay over and over and over again like an echo hitting the canyon walls.  Why is it that I have trouble remembering what I had for lunch but can recall every detail of mistakes I made years ago?  I don’t want to be shackled to these habits anymore!  I desire to break out and find  the guilt-free woman I long to be !

Here’s the amazing thing…..we’re given the key to open the door!

“Yet now God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty.  He has done this through Christ Jesus, who has freed us by taking away our sins” Romans 3:24 (NLT)

You read that correctly!  We don’t have to live lassoed to our guilt! Grace liberates us! I have been on the trail of my guilt-free self for quite a while now.  I’m still learning that it’s a journey of faith and trust.  It can be bumpy, dirty, and lonely.  As you might guess, I sometimes  get thrown off.  The happy ending though, is that my “Posse” is always there to help me up, dust me off, and put me back into the saddle so I can continue on toward the REWARD of riding off into the sunset a guilt-free woman.

 

~I have written this as part of the #livefree community @www.tsuzanneeller.com Gallop on over and read more about living a guilt-free life!

 

 

Fixer Upper Envy

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One of many projects needing to be tackled.

On the list to be fixed.

I love watching home improvement shows!  You know the kind. Where talented designers walk into a house that has been neglected and is run down. One that no one else sees potential in and with vision they create a plan to make it look absolutely perfect!  It’s common during these shows, for the contractor to uncover some hidden problems in the process and then like a hero, finds a way to fix everything so that it’s better than ever, almost as if they’d never existed.  I think I’m a big fan because I live in an old house that needs its own improvement show!  I literally drool as the beautiful remodeled homes on T.V. are revealed to their owners.  I’ve been known to shed a tear or two along with them as they realize the once deteriorating house has become their forever home.  I even daydream about a team coming to our small town to surprise me and fix all the problems my house has. New gutters and siding on the exterior.  Stylish paint and furniture in every room and oh, a beautifully updated kitchen with shiny, new, working appliances!  Yes, I confess, I have fixer upper envy!

I hate to admit it, but my envy extends beyond my house.  I could sure use some fixing up myself!  My exterior needs work and hidden on the inside are many imperfections that need improvement. “I want to be more fit. I wish my hair was straight. I’d hoped to have more wisdom by now.  Why can’t I fully trust?  Procrastinating has to stop!” The list goes on and on.  I’m learning the more focus I put on what’s neglected, tattered, dingy, faded, and frayed, the harder it is for me to reach my true potential.

My house most likely will never be featured on any home improvement show. Thankfully though, I have “The Designer of all Things” working on me!  It’s a slow process for now, but one day, it will be as if my problems never existed and I’ll step into my forever home with Him, the ultimate Fixer Upper!

 

I’m Wrecked

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I’m wrecked! Derailed! A goner! Why? Because of a little “bump” in the road that changed everything….my first grandchild! Life has been forever transformed.  My priorities are altered. And my heart?  My heart literally overflows with a love like I’ve never known.  I ache when I’m away from him and joy fills every part of my being when I hold him close in my arms.  My thoughts and dreams have shifted and oh, when I look in those precious little eyes I see hope for the future. Yes, this MiMi is a wreck! And it’s a great wrecked!

You know?  It occurs to me that God knew that I’d be wrecked by this new little miracle, but even more importantly He knew that you and I would be wrecked when he sent the miracle of His son…a little “bump” that changed EVERYTHING!  The birth and death of Jesus forever transforms lives.  His sacrifice shows us  love greater than we’ve ever known and priorities are changed when we accept His gift of that overflowing love.  Thoughts and dreams shift from being ours to becoming more like Him.  We ache for Him when we drift away and the joy we experience when we’re held in the arms of Jesus defies understanding.  Yes, Jesus came to make our lives a wreck.  To stop us in our tracks, spin us around, and put us on a new course. a course that leads us to Him.  And when we look into the eyes of Jesus we too see hope.  But not just hope for the future.  We see precious hope for eternity.  Yes, I’ve been wrecked by Jesus and that’s the most wonderful wrecked of all!

~I have written today’s post as part of Live Free Thursday hosted by Suzanne Eller. Her subject today was “Wrecked”.  Check out other writers entries at www.tsuzanneeller.com

Home

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"There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am." John 14:2-3 NLT

“There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” John 14:2-3 NLT

I got up this morning, poured my cup of coffee, and sat down in my chair at the window to watch the activity taking place at the bird feeders.  This is my routine pretty much every morning I’m home, however, this morning was a little more exciting (in the bird world, at least) because the Wrens are back and building a nest in the bird house.  It’s an amazing thing to watch as the tiny bird approaches the small opening in the bird house with a GIANT stick, often three times their size and yet, it still manages to maneuver it through. All the while the other half of the couple is chattering anxiously and excitedly flitting here and there. It’s hard work creating a home one stick at a time!

Home……it’s what’s been on my mind lately.  I recently traveled to help my mom prepare to move into a new home.  It’s a lovely condo with lots of light and storage. But even though it’s a positive move it has still caused her feelings of doubt, anxiety, and heartache.  At the same time, she’s experiencing excitement about redecorating, the joy of having friends close by, and a peace knowing she’s found the right place

In a few weeks my daughter, who I can still picture smiling up at me with a toothless grin and a head full of curls, is about to have a baby of her own.  She and her husband will be navigating their way to recreate their home as a family of three instead of two.  Doubt? Anxiety? You know it!  And as a parent I know that there’ll be some heartache too, but right there mixed in are great excitement and abundant joy!  (I can hardly wait!)

Add into the mix, my son, who is about to be married and join two lives into one home.  Again, its a time of mixed emotions. There are so many questions to be answered, plans to be made, and priorities to set. If ever there’s a time with a myriad of feelings, it’s planning a wedding, but the promise of this new love brings such delight!

My home was built over one hundred years ago and has seen better days. Now common sense would tell you that we have enough going on in our lives right now, but I’m not always sensible, SO….my husband and I have been looking into making a change in our home too.  We’ve given consideration to building a new house, one board at a time….. TOO STRESSFUL! Tearing down our family home and putting in a modular has been an option….. this caused me some heartache, though.  Remodeling where we’ve called home for many years is still being considered.  All three options are exciting and all three have also caused my husband and me a great deal of anxiety!

Home…..some of its definitions are:  shelter, a dwelling place or retreat, any place of residence or refuge, a place in which one’s domestic affections are centered.  These are all so true but for me there’s something more about home which cannot be defined.  It is that gravitational-like pull that draws me back. It is memories of times past and hope for times to come. It is love.

Yes, every emotion on the spectrum is experienced in a home…some good, some not. It is where we teach and learn about life.  It isn’t perfect but it’s where we begin and where we end. And in the midst of it all we have the promise that a Heavenly home awaits us. A place where there will be no more heartache or anxiety, only excitement and joy as we have never known before!  They say “Home is where the heart is”.  I have definitely put my whole heart into creating a home for my family and more importantly into building in us, one prayer at a time, hearts of faith, so that on some sweet day we will all finally be home together, forever.

My BETTER List

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My BETTER List

Songs and music of every kind,

All the seashells I can find,

Chocolate, Coffee, an Easter Peep,

Hallmark movies that make me weep,

Birds and goats and each Grand~Dog,

Standing on a mountaintop above the fog,

The sound of a wave crashing on shore,

My children arriving at my front door,

The flowers and trees around my yard,

Finding someone just the right card,

Comfortable shoes that are stylish too,

Projects that take glitter and glue,

My family, my faith, and my dear friends,

A really good book I hope never ends,

New recipes and eggs straight from the nest,

These are the things that I love best!

Pierced

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“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. “ Isaiah 53:5

For me, one sure sign of spring are the daffodils in my yard that burst forth each year from the dormant earth and open their petals like little faces lifted to the sun.  I anticipate their arrival and wonder at their simple beauty.  I found the daffodil pictured above while still in bud, laying flat on the ground. A victim of a neighborhood dog I suspect. As Paul Harvey used to say “Now, for the rest of the story”….  I couldn’t just leave it there, so I cut its stem and lifted it from its makeshift grave.  On closer inspection I realized that in the process of being beaten down and crushed, a pine needle had pierced the tender blossom.  I didn’t have much hope for the bruised and punctured bud to bloom but I removed the needle, took the limp flower in and put it in a vase of water anyway.  Much to my surprise, a few short hours later what was once a seemingly lifeless bud had lifted its head and spread its petals to become the flower you see in the picture, the flower it was meant to be.  It may seem silly but it brought me such a sense of joy to see what was once left for dead to now be full of life and beauty!  As I admired that daffodil, I noticed the holes in the delicate petals left behind by the piercing it had endured, and for a moment I just stood there, breathless….staring……it was as if the blinds in my heart and mind had been lifted and the “Son” was brightly shining in.  I had no idea that when I bent down to pick up a fallen daffodil, my sign of spring and renewal, it would so vividly remind me that Jesus was beaten, bruised, and pierced.  He was then put in a makeshift grave left for dead. Just a few short days later He lifted his head, walked out of the tomb, and spread His arms to show the holes in His nail pierced hands. Jesus, risen and full of life and beauty had endured the unthinkable for one reason and one reason only, so that you and I can be renewed and become the people we were meant to be.  The miracle of Easter shown to me through a daffodil.  Hallelujah!  And now you know the rest of the story……..

Pierced

Put on a cross

Innocence ignored

Endured torture and pain

Ridiculed

Cursed

Encumbered by my sin

Died so that I may live

It’s “Dog~Gone” Time!

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Looking out my kitchen window just now I watched Pixie and Joy, the small dogs that live next door to me, running around outside; tongues out, panting and their little tails wagging as fast as their little legs were moving.  Having their pen expanded this past weekend has given them a lot more room to frolic in.  The funny thing is, Joy was running with great abandon, from one end of the pen to the other enjoying her new found space.  Pixie however, didn’t venture past the old fence line.  She stayed behind the tufts of grass that had grown along her former boundary.   For a moment, she stepped tentatively over the grass and almost immediately hopped back to the area she was familiar with despite seeing Joy having a grand time in their new expanse.

Oh how like Pixie I am!  Here it is, time for me to explore new territory but I’m so afraid to step out of my familiar confines of life even though I know there may be exciting opportunities waiting for me.  What holds me back?  Probably the same things that are holding Pixie back.  She must face the unfamiliar sounds and smells of new dogs who are closer to the enlarged yard area just as I, while exploring new possibilities, may have to meet and interact with people I don’t know, something that makes me extremely nervous!   Pixie and I both seem to find change intimidating.  We’re more at ease with what we are accustomed to.   Stepping over the mound of grass is risky for Pix and stepping outside my comfort zone, putting myself out there, sets me up for a chance to falter or worse yet, fail.  Finally, the first step is always the hardest, whether it’s a leap for a small pup to enter new play ground or this ole gal taking a walk on the wild side of trying something new,  getting started is the biggest hurdle to reaching the other side.

Pixie will come to enjoy her wide open space sooner rather than later.  The question is will I follow suit?  Will I approach the boundaries I have set for myself in the past, pause, wag my tail, and take a leap of faith into new regions of life?  It may take me a few tries, but I hope I’m about ready to discover a place for myself with a little more room to frolic!

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Plumbing 101

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"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-think about such things.' Philippians 4:8-9

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-think about such things.’
Philippians 4:8-9

It’s been cold, no frigid here lately! There’s been snow, wind, and ice! Our furnace has run overtime and the house still isn’t warm. It’s been so cold that we’ve had to leave the water in our faucets moving so the pipes wouldn’t freeze. The song of drip, drip, drip filled the house and it also got me thinking. My husband likes to tell me; “you’ve got to watch that thinking”, even so I do a lot of it these days. Anyway, in the midst of churning thoughts in my little mind, I wondered how we can keep our own pipes from freezing?

In today’s world it’s easy for me and I would guess for you too, to let our hearts become hardened, frozen if you will. We help others only to find it was a scam. We need help but no one comes to our rescue. We do our best yet our efforts go unnoticed. People we respect disappoint us. We disappoint others. Senseless violence and hatred fill the news and maybe our lives. Little by little our defenses go up, our enthusiasm diminishes, the flow of love and compassion slows as our heart slowly solidifies.

The Bible warns us about having a hard heart. Having a hardened heart clogs up our ears so we don’t really listen and shuts up our eyes so we don’t clearly see . Our lives lose joy and we move through our days on autopilot. Our feelings become frosty and backed up. No longer do we function as we were designed to. It is a bleak, bitter place to be.

So, back to my question. How do we keep our own pipes and hearts from becoming frozen? Believe it or not, I think the answer is the same for us as it has been for the plumbing in my kitchen sink. First, we must keep moving in the right direction. Even when everyone and everything around us tells us to stop, we must continue to drip, drip, drip:
Do right
Resist quitting
Invest in others
Pray, Praise, and find your Passion.

In addition to keeping the water dripping, I also opened the cupboards so that warm air from the furnace could surround the pipes. We too, must be open to the warmth around us. Whether it’s generated by the love of our family, caring friends, the beauty of nature to name a few, we must not close ourselves off from the glowing possibilities around us.

Finally, in my attempt to keep the water running, I closed all the blinds to put a barrier between the rooms and the threatening temperature outside. Pulling a blind is easy compared to turning a blind eye to the grim side of life, but I find when I’m focused on the cold, harsh happenings around me I tend to develop a frosty attitude, freezing me in my tracks and making it pretty much impossible to accomplish anything worthwhile. I was blessed today to hear an excellent sermon on this very thing. (I love when God does that!) The message of the sermon was to seek out the positive. Look for the good in people and situations even when they are small and hard to find. The message also included the importance of acknowledging our blessings and expressing our gratitude for each one. And maybe most importantly, sharing our positive attitude with others. The lesson isn’t an easy one. It’s something I’ll have to work at everyday but I truly believe it’s the secret to keeping our hearts on fire and being able to radiate that warmth into a chilly world that desperately needs it. And who knows? Maybe our spark will ignite a flame in those around us and before we know it, we’ll feel the hope of Spring and our plumbing problems will be solved!