Day 20: Clarify #writetogether31days
Five Minute Friday

Have you ever wished that God would just tell you what to do in a voice you could understand? Recently I was working in my comforting, dimly lit church sanctuary. It’s one of my favorite spots to be in and a place of peace for me, but this particular day I was really wrestling with a decision weighing on my heart. Knowing what God wanted me to do wasn’t clear and going back and forth in my mind between both options just seemed to confuse me even more.
I. Needed. Things. Clarified!

And so, I sat down in “my pew,” looked up at the large painting of Jesus’ face that many small churches have hanging over the pulpit, and said aloud, “Would You please just turn Your head to look at me and tell me what You’d have me do?” (I’ve told you before that I’m a wacky one!) Then, I stared into those kind, painted eyes and waited. I’m guessing you won’t be surprised to learn that our Jesus painting did not speak to me. My husband said it was probably a good thing because if Jesus had done as I asked, I’d have probably keeled over right then and there. And so after a bit, I got up and went back to the tasks I had yet to complete. But, this is NOT the end of the story!

My struggle was between going to see a person who over the past 52 years has hurt me many times and despite my attempts at staying connected chose over and over not to be involved in my life and now was asking to see me or not going at all which is what “I” was leaning toward. Believe it or not, it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve finally made peace with the whole sad, heartbreaking situation and I have been comfortable with the thought of not ever seeing him again. That person is my dad.

Maybe you can see my dilemma. I wanted to follow God’s command to honor my father even though he’s only been father in blood and name, not relationship. I also wanted to support my two younger sisters who’d already decided they were going to make the trip. On the other hand, I didn’t want to step back into the unhealthy dynamic that’s been my life with him, plus I had many other reasons for me not to go as well, of which I presented each of (passionately I might add) to God.

Ask for clarity and you get it #1…Each time I added a reason not to go, a reoccurring thought kept coming to my mind: “It’s not all about you.” (I must admit I’m not a fan of this, haha.)

Ask for clarity and you get it #2…During this same time I was doing a ladies’ Bible study and during our weekly get-together after my “talk with the painting,” the author, Kelly Minter spoke through her DVD in depth about obedience and love for God. She said, “Obedience is built on sacrifice.” (again, not a fan!)  And, “Our desires for what we want need to become less than our desire to obey God.” AND, “Obedience is built on what God wants to give us.” (I was beginning to get the message whether I really truly wanted it or not.)

Ask for clarity and you get it #3…Just a few days later in the same study I came to a “personal response” question. Are you ready? (I wasn’t) This is what it asked: “Who do you need to see face to face? Ask the Holy Spirit to bring someone to mind who needs you or whom you may need. IT MAY REQUIRE AIRFARE.

Jesus may not have turned his painted head toward me when I asked, but He sure has spoken!  I still don’t want to go, but you know what? I have such a peace about it being the right thing that I’ve decided to make the trip anyway. 

Oh, one more thing. Even after knowing that I was being led to go, me being me decided to follow Gideon’s lead and test the Answer I received.  Gideon used a fleece, asking for it to be dry when everything else was wet and then for it to be wet when everything else was dry. (Judges 6:36-40) I used plane flights and seats to prove it to myself to be true. So, I decided if there was a flight that I could take that wouldn’t require me to spend an extra night at the airport (rural living) on both ends AND I could have an aisle seat on all the planes, then I’d know I was really meant to go.

Ask for clarity and you get it #4 (even when you test God)-Mid-morning flights each way are booked and aisle seats chosen on all of them. 

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
James 1:5 (NLT)

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

For those of you who have made it this far I thank you for hanging with me in this long story I never really intended to share. I guess what I want to leave you with is this, first, know (speaking to myself, too) that even when it doesn’t feel like it, we will hear the voice of God. Maybe not through a speaking painting obviously, but in the many different ways He uses to help us understand. We simply need to always be watching and listening. 

And finally, be ready. Because with God:

Ask for clarity and you get it!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

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