Category Archives: Blog

Unexpected Cruise

Cruising?

Cruising?

I’ve just returned from a wonderful visit with my family at my sister’s lake house!  Every year, something I look forward to is climbing aboard “Pink Panther” and taking a cruise around the lake.  I enjoy seeing all the cottages along the shore, waving to people in other boats, and the feeling of the breeze against my skin on a hot summer day.  This year things were a little different.  We climbed aboard alright, however we didn’t have the cruise we’ve had in the past.  You see, Pink Panther was a little under the weather and unable to fufill our cruising expectations.

How many times in our lives do we embark on something with certain expectations only to find  those expectations not met?  A friendship?  A Job?  Marriage?  Parenthood?  So many times in our lives we set ourselves up for disenchantment simply because our expectations are not realistic and so when others don’t meet them, we ultimately perceive them to let us down. The sad reality is that so often in the midst of the disappointment we are ready to jump ship, swim to shore, and find a new vessel without realizing that we are the ones who have caused the malfunction.

I know I have brought about heartache in myself and others all because I had a picture in my mind of how I expected something to go only to find that my picture and reality were two very different things. I’ve experienced that sinking feeling when I felt my friends were not doing what I thought they would.  I remember floundering as a new teacher because  the real world of the classroom wasn’t what I envisioned it would be.   Marriage and parenthood?  Well, suffice it to say I haven’t navigated those waters without going off course.  The kind of wife and mother I thought I would immediately be has actually taken a long voyage with lots of rough waters along the way.

The vital lesson I’m learning is that we need to stay the course.  Life isn’t always smooth sailing.  People, situations, and most importantly we ourselves are not perfect.   Storms, failures, and disapointments are going to come. There is no way we’re going to meet all the expectations others have for us or we have for ourselves and so we can’t expect those in our lives to meet all of ours either.  On those picture perfect days floating along life’s way is easy but when our husband, wife, or children let us down, the promotion doesn’t come through, someone we love is suffering, or even if we feel betrayed by a friend it can seem we are flailing about in unchartered waters.  When I find myself in times like these I am trying to remember to trust the one true “Life Preserver” and grab ahold of God to keep from sinking into despair.  Trusting is often hard for me, like paddling against the current but I am finding that when I stop anchoring myself with “my way”, “my expectations” and begin to trust, it frees me to  give up the helm and hold on until I make it to shore.  Our excursion through life may not always be what we expect it to be but it can be like Pink Panther when she gets her new parts….Better Than Ever!  Happy Cruising!

 

Nutty Generosity

I enjoyed my quiet time on the front porch this morning.  It was “peacefully noisy”.  The melodious chatter of the birds filled the air.  A cool breeze rustled through the leaves.  The goats next door loudly conversed with each other and a rooster somewhere in the distance crowed his good morning to the world.

While I sat in my rocking chair contemplating life, a squirrel crept through the yard and stopped to partake of birdseed and nuts that had spilled from my feeders above.  He watched me as intently as I watched him.  Believe it or not, squirrel watching brought back sudden memories from my childhood.  Funny, how memories are.  They can come on at anytime, out of the blue, and they bring with them intense feelings.  This particular memory is of my childhood neighbor, Dale.  He always carried peanuts in his pockets to feed the squirrels while he worked in his yard.  “His squirrels” became so accustomed to this that they actually would climb up on Dale as he slept on a lounge chair in his backyard and take the peanuts out of his pockets themselves.

Dale’s generosity didn’t just extend to squirrels.  From the moment my mom, sisters and I moved in next door, he did whatever he could to make us feel welcomed!  This is where the intense feelings come in….We moved in 1971 after my dad left our family.  We were all grieving and brokenhearted.  As I look back now, I realize it didn’t take Dale long to know that we were in desperate need of someone to care for and look out for us.  He took it upon himself to do just that.  We never knew what to expect….big signs on our doors, poems and stories adorned with pictures cut out of magazines, or a snowman holding a welcome home sign built out of the first snow on our back steps.  He was quick with a smile and a joke.  He and his wife, Lois quickly became more than our neighbors, they became family.

Generosity……something that is harder and harder to find in the world today and yet needed more than ever.  I regret now that I never expressed to Dale what his kindness meant to me.   I don’t think he ever knew how important he was to us and how much his freely given love did to begin to mend our hearts.  It is 42 years later and his actions are still an inspiration.  I would like to believe that my attempts at putting others first and looking for little ways to reach out are a direct result of having been so generously treated.

Dale’s actions were unselfish, creative, and yes, sometimes a little nutty, but just like the squirrels that grew to trust him enough to feed them, three young girls and their mom grew to trust him too.  You see it wasn’t just Dale’s pockets that were filled to overflowing it was also his heart.  Today’s rush of memories are an important reminder and a challenge to me to more freely give of myself and my time.  What about you?  Is there someone in your life you need to thank for being generous or is there someone who needs to be touched by the power of YOUR generosity?  Don’t wait until it’s too late, because speaking as one who knows,  there’s no doubt that we would all be much better off if we were  just a little nuttier like Dale.

 

"Do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." Hebrews 13:16

“Do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16

Dive On In

Diving Pelican

Diving Pelican

One of my favorite things at the beach are the pelicans. There’s just something about them.  They are large, majestic birds that fly with such a grace and beauty. The expressions they wear, so wise.   I simply can’t keep from looking up at them whenever they fly overhead. (yes, I know the dangers all too well, but I still can’t take my eyes off of them).  It is amazing to watch as they seemingly skim the tops of the ocean waves barely moving their wings as they sail down the coast.  I am enthralled most though, with a pelican’s precision, determination, and courage as they dive for food!  First, it scans the sea from high above somehow sensing where fish swim below.  Then, stopping mid-air, the pelican turns it’s body into a perfect dive position, freezing in the exact spot for a split second, and then at high speed, plunges head first into the foamy waters below.  Amidst the splash and waves, up comes the pelican with a gulp and he is off again to continue on to the next course of his meal.  The rise and ebb of the waves don’t deter them.  The loud cries of nearby seagulls don’t distract them from their goal.  They simply do what they set out to do, without hesitation,  as many times as it takes to fulfill their need.

You would think after all the years I’ve watched pelicans I might have learned a thing or two from them, but it wasn’t until this past respite on the shore that I began to see the lessons they have to share.  Being at any new place in the journey of life, retirement for me, is exciting but it’s also scary.  People keep asking me how I’m going to fill my time.  I smile, and tell them something will come along.  Oh sure, I have dreams, plans, and schemes,  but the question is, am I brave enough, determined enough to go “head first” after them? You see that’s the thing about me and maybe with you too, I don’t like the unknown and I don’t like to fail.  These traits don’t often lead to our goals and dreams being realized.   I think my pelican friends have been showing me that it’s time to set my sights on something and plunge right in!  Sure, the waters may get rough and I might not always find what I set out to find but with faith, I can rise up and dive again.  It’s an important lesson I need to put into action!  I’ve spent most of my life afraid to try new things: foods, roads, relationships, activites….the list goes on and on.  I have allowed my dreams to be drowned out by my own cries of insecurity which has left a sinking feeling in my heart.   No more!   I’m sensing God leading me to new hopes and dreams and a braver, maybe little wiser me rising up.  I no longer want anything to hold me back, mid-air if you will. So, armed with my new “pelican lessons” I think I’m finally ready to get into position and without hesitation DIVE ON IN!

 

Beautifully Imperfect

I have just returned from my annual pilgrimage to the beach.  I call it a pilgrimage because for me, being at the beach is spiritual.  It is the place I feel most like myself…..whole somehow.  We have been going to the same beach for many years now, and each year it is the same.  I walk on the shore looking for that perfect, desirable shell.  Somehow, I always convince myself that no matter how many others have searched before me, if I look intently enough, God will place that enviable shell at my feet.

This summer was no differenct.  I found myself scouring the sand for my perfect shell.  Excitedly, I would spot one, pick it up, and find upon inspection that it was pretty but not perfect.  Throwing it back to sea, I moved on to continue my search.  After a few days of picking up and throwing down, one of those “ah-ha” moments happened.  I realized that often our lives are just like my shell search.  We are so intent on finding that perfect life that we often miss the beautiful imperfect moments of the real life God has designed for us.  I am learning that being cracked, broken, tossed about, and worn are what makes me who I am.  It is through these imperfect moments that I grow and learn to appreciate the journey of my life.  Just as the shell’s journey from sea to shore scars it’s surface, so our journey marks our lives with trials and challenges.  It is what we take from these imperfections that determines who we become.

Yes, it is true, I am far from perfect.  Thank goodness, God, the Perfect One, isn’t going to throw me back!

Beautifully Imperfect

Beautifully Imperfect

Simple Love Notes

It took six days but I finally have my classroom cleaned out of 32 years of saving, creating, collecting, and reusing stuff!  It only took five or six wheelbarrow loads a short trip to the dumpster and a LONG walk down memory lane.  Deep in the corners of drawers, cupboards and shelves I found trinkets, artwork, and gifts I have received through the years.  Precious things that a teacher just cannot throw away.  Amongst these treasures were a variety of love notes from former students.  Some scribbled on scraps of paper.  Others drawn with crayons or markers and the paper filled with colorful drawings.  Reading those forgotten notes brought back vivid memories of children I taught who are now adults with children of their own as well as students I have had more recently.  Many letters had no name on them to identify the writer just the words “I love you” in a child’s print, but I saved them all just the same.

The offering of love is a precious gift. One that we should all freely give.   Children seem to understand this better than we adults.  Four little words,  You’re the best teacher”, scribbled on  the back of an old wrinkled spelling test years ago, filled me with such joy when I received it and again when I uncovered it last week.  Six words…..”I wish you were my mother”.  Three words….”I love you”.  It seems so simple….feel something and express it, but we know that giving love is risky.  We might be hurt or made fun of.  The feeling may not be returned.  We can think of many reasons for not opening our hearts to others.  It seems easier just to keep it to ourselves.

After experiencing the overwhelming warmth of love I felt as I read each note I found, I’m determined to be braver and more willing to show others how I feel about them.  Maybe it will be through a smile, a hug, a gift, or who knows, even through a love note.  It doesn’t have to be elaborate.  It doesn’t have to be planned.  It just simply has to be shared.

Before I started cleaning out my classroom, I promised myself (and my husband) that I wouldn’t bring too much home with me.  I must confess though, that I could not bring myself to throw away those precious acts of love I had been so freely given.  I tucked them away in a special box to be gone through again when my heart needs reminding about the wonderful power of a simple love note.

A Simple Love Note

A Simple Love Note

Countdown to Retirement~Day 4~A Goat Story

On a normal school day I get up, have my cup of coffee, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack my lunch, and head off to school.  I have done the same thing for more mornings than I can count.  This morning however, had just a little more excitement!  After I had gotten dressed but before I packed my lunch I heard an unusual noise.  I looked out my front door and found that one of our neighbor’s goats was wedged between a building and the fence AND he had his head, horns and all, stuck through the fence.  Now, I was raised a city girl but I’ve learned a few things in 32 years of country living. Unfortunately, being a “goat whisperer” is not one of them.  I frantically worked for 20 minutes to try and free that crazy animal’s head from what I thought was sure death!  After having my fingers pinched between goat horns and fence wire several times, I came to the conclusion that I was not going to be able to save the poor thing so decided to call around the neighborhood to find someone stronger to help me.  Promising the goat I would return I quickly ran inside to use the phone.  Would you believe that as the phone was ringing on the other end I looked out the window and that dumb goat was gone!!!! He had freed himself and was back on the top of the hill with the herd!!! ( now you decide who was the dumb one…him or me!)

Sometimes, being a teacher is a little bit like my goat friend this morning.  Decisions that are out of our control are made and the results wedge us into places we don’t want to be.  What we know and believe to be true about children is overlooked and expectations are placed upon us that are cumbersome and unrealistic.  Of course, most of us do all we can to try and accomplish what is asked of us, all the while working to help our students be the best they can be.  And just about the time we start to figure it all out, the expectations change again and there we are stuck just like the goat with someone who doesn’t have the skills to help, trying to push us in a direction we don’t want to go.  I truly believe that if the powers that be would offer teachers the time and opportunity to find their own way, they would be surprised at how quickly it would free us to practice what we know to be right and allow us to lead our students to the top of the hill, right where every “kid” should be!

Count Down To Retirement~Day 5

Well let’s see, since I last posted,  I’ve ridden a school bus for my final class field trip, cheered through my last Field Day, and today, graded the last set of papers of my career.  I have to be honest.  I won’t miss field trips, field days, or grading papers too much and yet it makes me melancholy just the same. As I reflect on that, I guess even though they weren’t my favorite things about being a teacher, they are still part of the job. As with anything, you take the good with the bad and if you’re lucky the good outweighs the bad.  I’ve been very lucky.

For the last 32 years I have been honored to work with the most wonderful teachers and staff.  Our school has been a place of support, cooperation, and encouragement for our students and each other.  My fellow teachers have been my sounding board, shoulder to cry on, and at times the voice of reason that I needed.  I truly couldn’t have made it this far without them.  I’ve tried to figure out a way to let them know what they mean to me but have decided it’s impossible.  How do I put into words all the feelings that fill my heart?  First of all, I am an emotional wreck in the best of times. This week will probably be a super storm of feelings for me anyway, so actually saying the words (if I had them) will be virtually impossible.  I only hope that a smile through my tears, hugs that are tighter than usual, and whispered thank yous will convey to them more than just those simple gestures.  I hope it will let them know that they are blessings in my life and have given me the best gift anyone can receive.  They have turned a school into so much more…..a place to turn to when I am troubled, a place to share my joys, a place of protection, a place of inspiration, a place to laugh, and a place to grow.  The good has abundantly outweighed the bad. I may have been a teacher for 32 years but I have learned more from my school family than they’ll ever know.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.  Yes, I have been VERY lucky!

Adventure Awaits

A new adventure awaits me.  There’s nothing God can’t do… But when I take a leap of faith, God will see me through.

It is an absolutely beautiful Sunday here in West Virginia!  Time sure has flown by since my last post.  It’s an extremely busy time of year at school as we try to wind everything up and fit everything in.  The last day for students is only seven days away and so that means that the end of my teaching career is officially over in nine days.  I have been struggling with this idea of retirement, of late.  Feelings of sadness and insecurity have been seeping into my soul. Sadness because I really do love teaching children and for 32 years being a teacher has been my identity.  Insecurity because I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE!!!!  I know how silly all this sounds but I figured you should know how wacky I really am!  I continue to remind myself that I am blessed beyond measure to be at a place where I can retire and that it IS time for me to move on. During my quiet time this morning it became clear to me that this is an opportunity to trust and have faith.  Trust that I am on the right path and faith that God has a new plan for my life.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave and suddenly I’d have all the faith and confidence I will ever need.  Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.  I am learning that it is a process….the proverbial two steps forward, one step back.  It drives me crazy!  As a person who is a perfectionist- people pleaser, this process isn’t easy. I want to get it right and and get it right now!  Thank goodness God and the people in my life are patient and don’t give up on me!

imageWalt Disney said, “Without change, there would be no butterflies”.  I am trying to take this to heart and embrace what the future holds for me.  Will I move through it perfectly?  No.  Will my faith never waiver?  No.  But, I am going to step onto this new path trusting that I won’t be traveling alone and that an exciting adventure awaits!  I hope you will come along with me as I begin this new journey, but I warn you, it may take some patience!

Hands

imageOur month with the Poetry Box was quickly coming to an end and I needed one more actvity for the last Friday.  My co-teacher Leslie handed me that idea and it was a fun one!  We created Watercolor Poems.  The students chose a color and brainstormed ideas about what that color looked, smelled, sounded, tasted, and felt like.  They then put their ideas together and created a poem.  Once in the cafeteria on brightly clothed tables the poets/artists went to work.  They wrote their poem on watercolor paper, drew pictures around the outside of the paper to illustrate their poem, and finally painted their pictures in their chosen color.  The room was filled with quiet chatter and the sound of brushes being swirled in cups of water.  It was beautiful!  My favorite part of these Friday get-togethers has been hearing the words, “Miss Cindy, come read my poem!”  Music to this teacher’s ears and joy for my soul!

I love how the picture above turned out.  When I sat down to go through my photos I realized I had taken several of just the children’s hands.  They resonated with me and once I put them together I knew it was the way it was supposed to be.  These are pictures of hands gently creating beauty, hands unsure at first, gaining more confidence, and hands helping and guiding other hands.  A moment captured in time with my camera that expresses what our lives should express.   When we reach out and give encouragement, support, comfort, and love with a touch of our hand, we are giving a priceless gift to those who receive it.  I’ve found though, that it is a gift that returns to the giver as well.  Using our hands to create a beautiful connection with someone, to reassure another who lacks confidence, or to gently guide a person who is feeling lost and alone toward the bright color of friendship, is when we are truly doing God’s work.  Bill Withers said it best in his song, “Lean on Me”. He sang, “You just call on me brother, when you need a hand, we all need somebody to lean on.”  Whether in the school cafeteria, our workplace, out in the community, or inside our home we have the ability to reach out and touch someone in a way no one else can.  When we do lend a hand, we create a moment where pain, sorrow, and problems are made lighter.    Is there someone who needs to lean on you today? Just reach out your hand, “tell them you understand and help them carry on,”  because lending a hand adds color where there is dark, melody where there is quiet, and verse to this poem called life.

An Apple a Day

Whew! It has been a busy time at school and at home so I am behind in my posts! Sorry!  For each of the three Fridays we had in school in April I planned a school-wide poetry activity as part of the Poetry Box Project.  The first Friday was the unveiling of the box and I had the kids try their hand at writing a “Never Poem” using alliteration.  Like:  “I would never wear big, borrowed, blue and burgandy bloomers!” They were great fun and the students wrote some hilarious poems!image

On the second Friday, I based the activity around Kenn Nesbitt’s poem “I Bought a Pet Banana”.  While searching for activity ideas, I happened across Kenn’s website; www.poetry4kids.com . (be sure and check it out)  He suggested to have kids write their own poems about having a pet apple.  I loved the idea AND Kenn has a poem beginning in the Poetry Box,  so it seemed perfect to do a Pet Apple Activity.  The students were each given an apple and crafting supplies and the magic began!  We soon had a cafeteria full of unique “pet apples”.  The children then were challenged to write their own Pet Apple Poems and write they did!  It is amazing what they can come up with!  I decided to try my hand at it as well, and this is what resulted:

I Bought A Pet Apple

I bought a small pet apple

He was round and red,

I tried to sit him on my lap

But he rolled off instead.

He wobbled and he rolled

Across the wooden floor,

And then my small pet apple

Went right out the back door.

I tried to lasso him

To make him come to a stop,

But he fell into the pool

With a flip, a flap, a flop.

I’m taking my small pet apple

Back to the pet store

The water made him mushy

All the way to his apple core.

~Cindy Wilkins

It’s funny how we lose ourselves in “adult life”.  I had journals full of poems I wrote in my teens and twenties and then between family, work, and other committments that part of me disappeared, until now that is!  Who would have thought that an apple could inspire my poet’s soul to reappear?  All too often I think, we believe that we don’t deserve or have time to pursue the things we love.  Maybe we yearn to paint, take photographs, carve wood, run a marathon, or write poetry but we tell ourselves that everyone and everything else needs to come first.  Before we know it, our passions have been pushed so far aside that they seem out of reach.  This experience of being a Poetry Box Ambassador has prompted me to look at things differently and what I now see is that we are all created with our own unique set of passions.  Passions that are designed to define and fulfill us. While we may travel through life completing all the required tasks set before us, we are missing out on the best part of the trip.   Think back to when you were younger.  What did you love to do and think about?  What inspired you?  I think it is vital that we rediscover that part of us to truly live a long, happy, healthy life.  You know what they say….”An apple a day keeps the doctor away” or in my case….an apple poem. I plan to continue to get reaquainted with the poet in me.  I hope you too, will take the time for yourself to rediscover the you that YOU are truly meant to be.