Tag Archives: perfectionist

Work and Revise ~ 23&24/31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes

Well, this rule follower is stretching the rules today. I’m combining two days into one post to finally catch up.  I might as well admit it now, I’ll probably stretch the five minute limit too….

“He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:4-7 (ESV) / Pixabay

“Work harder!” “Do better!” “Don’t fail!”  This was my mantra for many years.  Those of you who are close to me or who have read some of my blog know that I’m a recovering perfectionist.  For oh so long, I believed that I had to earn the love and approval of others and God.  I guess we all know how that worked out!  The harder I tried, the more I failed, so the harder I tried.  It was an exhausting vicious circle! Attempting to be a flawless daughter, teacher, wife, mother, friend, and Christian seemed right to me, but always impossible. So of course, I concluded that I’d just have to continue to work harder to measure up!

Enter God and a circle of Christian friends!

Joining a small group changed everything!  There I learned that I needed to revise my thinking and the way I was living. What a relief it was to finally understand that I. Absolutely. Will. Never. Be. Good. Enough! It’s a large learning curve for a works girl to believe, live, and become a grace girl! It takes a lot of editing! Rewriting the dialog in my head, deleting my “saved by works” attitude, and amending my focus from what I can do myself to what God has already done, is definitely an on-going process.

Jesus went to the cross because you and I cannot do anything on our own to be worthy of eternal life.  I’d be lying if I said it’s easy for this perfectionist extraordinaire to let go of her ways. Maybe you can relate. I take comfort in, and you can too, that each of us is a work in progress.  Revisions are required. But, what peace it brings to know that we can trust God, the true Author of our story, to complete it to perfection!


What Could Be Worth More?

My name is Cindy and I am a recovering Perfectionist.

For a long time I didn’t recognize the signs, even though looking back they were there. It wasn’t until I heard the words; words that caught me totally off guard because they came out of MY mouth, that I realized there was a problem. “If my own father could leave me, I can’t be worth much.” Where did that come from?  I’d never consciously had that thought before the very instant those words tumbled from my heart onto my tongue.

I’ve come to realize that somewhere in the traumatic moments as my dad turned his back on the sobbing eleven year old me and walked out our front door, a lie seeped into every crack of my freshly broken heart.  A lie so painful that typing about it now brings me to tears.  A lie that told a little girl that if she’d only been better, her dad wouldn’t have left.

Funny thing about lies, they’re often easy to believe and this one grew and intertwined itself in every part of my life until I was convinced that to be loved, I had to be perfect. Well, we all know how that turns out, don’t we?  Trying to be the best student, teacher, wife, parent, Christian…doing all that I could to give that flawless performance so others would see my worth…. so I could see my own worth… backfired.  The harder I tried, the more failures I experienced, the more failures-the more guilt I felt, so what did I do?  I tried harder. Striving to be perfect was exhausting!

Speaking those words that had been hidden in my heart for so long was the beginning of a journey I’m still on.  A journey of recovery. A journey of freedom. A journey of grace.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)

Did you catch that?  It’s taken me a long time to embrace this wonderful truth. God’s love doesn’t wait for us to be perfect!  We are loved when we’re angry. We’re loved when we are judgmental. We are loved when we fail. And yes, we are loved when we are imperfectly doing everything we can to be perfect

I am a recovering Perfectionist.  I am Cindy and I am loved! Friends, you are too!  What could be worth more?

Linking up again today with Suzanne Eller’s #livefreeThursday at http://www.tsuzanneeller.com Today’s prompt? “When you’ve done all you can” Enjoy!