It should be an exciting time. A time for looking toward the future. For planning and dreaming. So why is my stomach in knots, my throat tight with unspoken fears, and worry filling my nights? One word. Trust.
We’ve come to a place where our house isn’t able to be our place of refuge anymore. Its age has caught up with it and the problems are too numerous to solve. Those who know houses advise us to tear it down. My reaction? You know me…..”Tear down the rooms where my children played and slept?” “Tear down the place where we’ve celebrated birthdays, graduations, anniversaries?” (Memory hoarder. Remember?) We’ve agonized. We’ve prayed. Talked to friends, family, and professionals. The answer has remained the same.
My husband gave me a “Wish Book” to encourage me to draw, write, and paste ideas that help create a new vision of home. And I have. I’ll even admit it’s been fun. But all the while, somewhere deep inside where I don’t like to go, a voice lists all the things that could go wrong. Chants the reasons it will never work. Stirs up fears that lurk there. The devil knows my weaknesses and he doesn’t hesitate to attack those vulnerable places.
So while our children are anxious for the work to begin and our friends are excited for this next adventure we are embarking on; I’ve dug in my heels and waited. Waited for signs to move ahead. Waited for signs to stop. Waited for clarity. Waited for peace. And in that waiting I’ve…..Failed. To. Trust.
Much to my dismay, I know that “Trust” is my word for 2016. It challenges me. How about you? Are you like me? Hesitant.. well more like desperate… not to let go of your own control? Reluctant to move forward? I hope not, but if you are; here’s the good news!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)
I’m learning this lesson at an agonizingly slow pace but I’m sensing a shift. A realization that I don’t have to “do” or “know”; but rather, I need to “be”. Be still. Be in His word. Be obedient. Be in His presence. Be loved. Change has never been easy for this ole gal, but to “be” all I can for Him, it’s vital.
Maybe you too, know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re also facing a change, an illness, a death, a broken relationship, difficulties at work, a new baby, a longing for a baby, a wedding….good change or not so good, here is some encouragement I’ve found:
“Let’s face it-it can be challenging and sometimes scary to step out in faith, especially when we don’t know what lies ahead. But when we trust God with our future and seek out His plans for our lives instead of our own, the blessings we receive will far exceed the things we think we are leaving behind.”
Tracie Miles, Faith Zone Challenge
Yesterday, we went to begin the final steps in ordering our new home. We prayed before we left. Boy, did we pray! There were times I felt I couldn’t breathe. My nerves were on edge, but as soon as we pulled into the parking lot a peace seemed to come over me. And while we talked and planned excitement began to replace some of my fear. God is amazing like that!
I know that I’m not where I need to “be”….yet….there’ll still be worries, fears, and roadblocks to make me want to turn back. My plan? One word. Trust. I’m determined to put my trust not in “my own understanding” but with God and to follow as He leads me on the path to not only my new home here, but someday to the home He’s prepared for me (and YOU) with Him.
Do you have a word for 2016? I’d love to hear what it is! Is there something I can pray about for you? Just leave either or both in the comments and I look forward to connecting with you!