Monthly Archives: October 2014

It’s Time

It’s time…..past time really.  For what you ask?  For taking down my hummingbird feeder for the year.  I’ve been diligently watching and waiting for an empty feeder, however, it hasn’t happened because there is one lone straggler.  I’m not sure why he’s staying behind.  Maybe he feels safe here, maybe it’s my special nectar recipe he’s become accustomed to, or maybe he feels weak and needs to build up his strength for the long trip that awaits him.  Whatever the reason, he’s here, he’s hungry, and I’m doing my best to help him prepare to be on his way.

I too, am a lingerer.  To me, the biggest benefit of retirement so far has been being able to take my mornings slowly.  I relish leisurely sipping my coffee, nectar if you will, and then refilling my cup as many times as I want.  Casually remaining in my PJ’s instead of quickly getting dressed is refreshing.    I’ve dreamed of this languid life and staying behind while the rest of the world rushes off is a great gift.  Maybe my hummingbird friend has discovered this too.

There’s a danger to being a lingerer though.  For the hummingbird, tarrying can literally mean life or death.  For me, the peril is the life or death of my dreams. Living a fulfilling, meaningful life or dying in my procrastination and hesitation.  I have an inner creative, kooky side but for most of my life I’ve stifled the ideas and plans that have emerged from that part of me.  I vacillate and put off acting on them letting opportunities and experiences flitter away.  Oh, I develop those ideas in my mind.  I spend time with them but when it comes to taking off with them, I linger.  Fear shouts that I will look foolish, complacency reminds me that change is hard, and insecurity whispers that I’m not good enough.  I remain hungry for the journey I could have and should have taken.

For the first time in many, many years I have the opportunity to pursue some of those postponed dreams and create some new ones, too.  I’ve remained at “the feeder” long enough. God has gifted me with what I need and my life experiences have taught and prepared me to move ahead.  With the help and support of those around me and lots of prayer, it’s time….past time really, for me to be on my way and fly!

A Work in Progress

I’ve been rereading all that I’ve posted here since beginning “My Sea of Thought” and I realize that I’ve written about a lot of “lessons I’m learning.” Because of that, one might assume that I have it all together.  I can assure you that I don’t so I wanted to set things straight.

In the past two years I truly have begun to understand some things about myself.  I think it started when I read the book “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope of .  I believe with all my heart that God directed me to this book to help begin a process of healing and growing.  Since then, through music, readings, and study, I think I’ve developed a clearer picture of my true self and the woman I want to be.  The thing is that being presented with a lesson and applying it are two different things.  It’s just like all the years teaching in my classroom…I prepared and presented lessons everyday but what my students did with the information was up to them.  I have very good intentions but I’m sad to say they don’t always develop into actions.

I’m finding that my ramblings here benefit me.  It’s a way to clarify the changes I need and want to make…a way for me to get a picture of this new and improved person I desire to be.  It’s kind of like an artist who allows the picture he has inside of himself to come to life through his paint; turning an empty canvas into a masterpiece.  In my case, I am the empty canvas gradually coming to life but I have a long way to go!

Confucius said, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” I want you to know that I am moving more slowly than I’d like to admit.  Old thought patterns and insecurities die hard but I’m determined to steadily put one foot in front of the other.  I so hope that some of my life lessons resonate with you, too.  I am learning (here I go again!) that through shared struggles and triumphs we gain a better understanding of each other and by offering support and encouragement we make moving forward just a little easier.  It is a life-long, often bumpy journey that requires patience and dedication but one that when traveled culminates in creating a unique masterpiece of each of us.    Slowly but surely it’s the journey I yearn to take.

The Only Way to Travel


Riding the Tygart Flyer

Fall is here!  The colors are vibrant, the air has less humidity, and the evenings are cool.  It’s one of my favorite times of year!  My husband and I celebrated the season and his birthday by taking a short, scenic train excursion yesterday.  Scenic it was!  The mountains were alive with golds, reds, oranges, and greens.  The bright blue sky boasted fluffy white clouds and the falling leaves whirled on the breeze like fairies.  When we reached our destination we were not disappointed.  The waterfalls and river glistened in the afternoon sun like diamonds.  It was a fun and relaxing day except for one thing……

Our train traveled up then back down the mountainside on one track which means on one leg of the trip you’re sitting backward.  I didn’t think much about it until a funny feeling came over me.  Call it dizzy, woozy, or what you’d like, it wasn’t pleasant. Scenic or not, taking a trip backward is not what I prefer.  Thankfully by adjusting my seat and where I focused on the landscape I was able to enjoy the rest of the journey back to the station.

If traveling backward is so uncomfortable, then why do I do it so often in life?  It’s hard to say how many hours or even days I have spent looking back to times past when I was younger and skinnier, my children were little and I felt needed , love was new, or someone I cared about hadn’t passed away.  During those times I yearn for the past and often perceive it to be better than today.

Unfortunately, I don’t only look back on “good times.”  I more frequently return to the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve hurt, the people who’ve hurt me, and  the things I wish I’d done differently.  Returning to these memories produces that queasy, uneasy feeling just like my train ride down the mountain.   These are painful reminders of my failures and I can recall them just like they happened yesterday.  As a result unpleasant sadness and regret settle in my soul.

Have you too taken these backward excursions?  It’s time to adjust our seats and change our focus!  Why continue to waste our today by reaching back into yesterday?  It ‘s becoming clearer to me that continually traveling back to the past takes me off track and is making it harder to reach my desired destination.  The events of our lives, good and bad, have helped shape us into who we are today.  Instead of clinging to them we need to focus on the joys we’ve experienced, the lessons we’ve learned, wisdom we’ve gained, and set our sights ahead to a future that is vibrant and alive.  Whether life takes us up, down, or whirling on the wind we can be sure of one thing…… Living in the now and looking forward is the only way to travel!